Neofreaks vs. The Real World

Neofreaks vs. The Real World

Neofreaks, which is commonly described as 'A place to get away from the real world', has been an established Neopets cheating community since late July of 2004 (Thank you Axe for this reference). Amongst this community, there are many social categories in which each and every member fall into. These categories include, but are not limited to:


The Obsessed and Helpless
: This category includes the members who spend countless hours browsing the forums. The consequences of being obsessed and helpless are dire and usually result in falling into the Socially Inept category. Whilst browsing the forums, some users are apt to grab a snack from the downstairs cupboard. One Little Debbie Fudge Round leads to two Little Debbie Fudge Rounds, two Little Debbie Fudge Rounds leads to five Little Debbie Fudge Rounds and before you know it, you look like Augustus Gloop, the great big greedy nincompoop. After consuming these highly carbohydrate/G.I saturated foods, your face will begin to break out into a thousand zits. These zits consume your face and push you lower on the social hierarchy. These obsessed and helpless people can be interpreted in real life as the kids who spend their day in the computer lab instead of becoming engaged in social interactivity.

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The Socially Inept
: This category includes those who make themselves look like a jerk on the forums; consequently forcing everyone hate them. As described above, one can fall into the socially inept category by eating one too many Little Debbie Fudge Rounds. Never fear acne infested children! Pro-Active is here! These unfortunately socially inept people can be interpreted in real life as the poor nerd who sits in a chair at a school dance eating Doritos and Skittles the whole time, afraid to ask his fellow nerd lover to 'dance' with him/her.

The Self Indulged Losers
: This category includes those who constantly put themselves down and claim to have no friends in 'The Real World'. This category is commonly looked down upon for reasons such as a sympathetic excuse, a compliment fisher or someone who truly has no friends in real life and wishes to express their pain to those who could really give two hoots less. These self indulged losers can be interpreted in real life as an emo kid who slashes his wrists and brags about it to everyone.

The Programmers
: This category includes the self proclaimed geniuses who think highly of themselves and only themselves. Though not all programmers are arrogant jerks, most of them believe they are of high hierarchy status; therefore looking down upon others, believing them to be nothing more than a peasant. Programmers can be interpreted in real life as a jock or stud.

The 1337 Hax0rz
: This category includes the few who actually know a thing or two about computer hacking. These members have the right to be full of themselves, unlike the many other people who believe themselves to be king of the noobs. These 1337 Hax0rz are rarely spotted and may cause decrepitation on contact. These "1337 Hax0rz" can be interpreted in real life as someone who has good looks and charming charisma.

The Nice People
: This category includes those who are unconditionally in an ecstatic mood. Like the 1337 Hax0rz, these members are rarely sought and may be contagious. You've been warned. These people can be interpreted in real life as the teachers pet or just a genuinely nice person.

The Trolls
: This category includes the pathetic attention seekers who surf around NF only to put others down. These members are generally looked down upon by the Neofreaks community, but may be funny at times. These 'trolls' usually go too far and end up being crushed by the ban hammer. The trolls can be interpreted in real life as the bullies who pick on the weak.

The Funnies
: The funny people, also referred to as "The Funnies" are some of the greatest people you can come by on an online forum. Unlike trolls, Funnies expose their comedy in a tasteful manner. These select few are of high status on the social hierarchy. This can relate in real life in a sense that a "Funny" can be interpreted as a Class Clown.

The Internet Thugs
: The Internet Thugs, also referred to as 'e-Thugs', are the people who act tough over the internet, but generally can not back their trash talk up in the real world. These e-Thugs are always looked down upon as being a pathetic attempt for attention. As many people retorted; "You act real tough knowing you're behind a computer screen, hundreds of miles away". The Internet Thugs can be interpreted in real life as the kid in school who talks trash and then gets his ass kicked by all who he/she offends.

The Leecher
: A leecher is described in Urban Dictionary as "Someone who takes a lot and doesn't give much". These leechers are one of the worst things you can come by on Neofreaks. There are usually altercations between programmers and leechers. After slaving over providing a program for your website, the last thing you want is someone who will download it, use it to the best of his/her advantage and not show any form of gratitude in return. This is usually evaded by incorporating a level system to the website. When the programs don't flow quickly, the leechers get angry. These leechers can be interpreted in real life as someone on a football team that doesn't give it his all in practiced/games. He/she leaves all the hard work to everyone else. When their team loses, they blame all false effort on everyone else when in reality, they're the one to blame.

Here's a diagram to help you understand the hierarchy:

What would happen if I ruined Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows for thousands of little kids?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows...quite possibly the most anticipated book of the last decade. The last of a fantastic series in which Harry Potter is to either die, or kill his nemesis, Lord Voldemort.

Ever since the first book's release in 1997, Harry Potter has been the number one series among all age groups; each book topping over 100 million sales.

The time has come, in 2 short days, the final book in the entire series is to be released. People everywhere are already lining up outside of book stores, waiting until midnight on Friday to get the book they have been longing for. But what would happen if I ruined it for them?

Since the book has yet to be released, it would be impossible for me to know what would really happen, so I went with the next best thing, lying. But who would fall for a something that everyone knows is impossible to predict. Little kids.

I chose the game Maplestory, to get my message across to the kids. At any given time, Maplestory has over 10,000 players online. It was perfect. I shed out the 5 dollars required to buy a 'Super Megaphone', an item that with one click of the button, sends a message to every player online. It's almost as if they wanted me to ruin Harry Potter for them.

I logged into the game and thought about what message I wanted to send. I only had a certain amount of letters, so I had to be skimpy, yet powerful. I thought about just writing, "Hagrid dies on page 547," but that wasn't powerful enough. Then I thought about going all out, since I'm lying, why not have a lot of main characters die? I suspected it might of been too extreme; no one would ever believe it...then I remembered kids are stupid.

I decided to go with the message, "Ron DiesPG574 Hagrid DiesPG648 Voldemort Dies PG704...Cheers." It just fit in, and it revealed enough about the book to get people pissed off.

The moment of truth came, my hands were sweaty as I typed in the lie. My hand trembled over the SEND button. Maybe I was being too cruel? Some people have waited a good part of their lives for this book. Nah.

Within seconds of posting it, I was flooded with hate messages. Here is a picture of my conversation window 10 seconds after posting.



I'm hurt and confused at the same time. One called me a "fcknbitc," while another just said, "Well Done."

I left Maplestory open for another hour or so and the messages did not stop. I was bombarded with people hating me. One person even said they were going to kill me because I, "ruined their life." Emo.

If there was any part of me that felt bad about posting this, it was gone. Reading the hate mail entertained me, and made me realize how stupid the average kid is.

Superman is Here!

Two guys were in town for a convention. The hotel they were staying in had a bar on the top floor so they decided to go. While they were there, they saw a man jump up and declare he was done drinking for the night and going back to his room. He ran over to the window and jumped out. Everyone in the bar rushed over to the window to see him slowly fall headfirst then flip himself over and land on his feet. Everyone in the bar was amazed by this. A few minutes later the man came up, drank some more, once again declared he was done, and jumped out the window doing the same as before. Once again everyone was amazed. The man came back up again so the two men decided to ask him how he did it. He told them there were air vents on the ground and if you jumped right you could float down safely. The two men decided to try it. The two men died trying it. "You can be such a bitch sometimes, Superman," said the bartender.

Why I Like Staying Inside

Written by Revenge

This story exemplifies why I don't go outside often. It has to do with people you meet in day to day life. Not the normal kind of people - the kind that are stupid. This story deals with the rare type of extra stupid people - you know, you meet one of these at least once a day. Now, I was helping my dad at work (you meet a plethora of idiots at work) when a white lady accompanied by a black lady walks up to the counter. The black lady orders her food and when I tell her the total (around 5 or 6 dollars) she looks at me like I just made a horrendously distasteful racial joke. She looks around in her purse, but can't find any bills so decides to pull out a cashier's nightmare: three handfuls of coins (one hand belonged to her white friend). They started counting out the coins like complete dumb asses and hand me a fistful of coins. Great.

My dad comes over and takes the coins out of my hand. He counts up the coins and gives them all back to the women and says, "Sorry I can't accept all this".
Dumbfounded (more so than they already were), they asked, "Why not?".
My dad, who loves to make idiots out of people as a hobby, looks at them and says as sincerely and truthfully as he was able to, "Sorry, by law, I can't accept more than twenty-five coins, and you've handed me thirty-five".
Being as stupid as they are, they fall for this blatant bullshit and say, "Oh really?" and my dad quickly confirms.

Now, luckily there was no one in line, or else they would have gotten trampled as both women ran around the general area, with fistfuls of coins, asking RANDOM people if they could convert them into higher coins. I shit you not, they actually stopped a blind man with his (not blind) wife asking them if they could exchange. Every time they had their backs turned, my dad and I were laughing our assess off at what he had actually managed to get these women to do. They returned ten minutes later with over twenty quarters. Now besides the fact that the <25 coin law was utter bullshit, there were three things that never occurred to them which my dad and I didn't have the heart to tell them:

1) They never asked a single person to convert change into bills. They insisted on paying for the food in quarters. It never occurred to them that we accept bills as well...
2) They could have gone to a store and exchanged it all.
3) They could have just used a credit card.

.. Damn, people are stupid.

Epic Battle of Glory

In the history of mankind, there have been many battles for glory, honor, and the true spirit of a man. June 6, 1944, the 1st Infantry Division and 29th Infantry Division storm Omaha Beach. 480 BC, King Leonidas of Sparta and his small fighting force holds back the overwhelming Persian army. Fictionally, the Battle for Helm's Deep in The Lord of the Rings and the attack by the rebel forces against the Imperial Death Star in Star Wars.

Mine is such a story.

Is there anything more glorious than a track meet? Sweaty kids with headbands, prepping themselves for what maybe the biggest thing to happen in their lives yet.

It won't be.

Anyhow, my school had an open track meet. Basically, anyone can participate in it. So I figured, why not. I'm not bad at running. The guy signing kids up was some kind of a beast. Had to be 6'5" and at least 230 lbs. And then the coldest words I've heard: "Sorry, all highschool boys positions are filled."

My heart was rent, to say the least.

"Please, sir," I said, quivering my lower lip. "Is not there something you can do? Is there not another category I can be put in?"

"Well," he said, shoving his sunglasses to his forehead with a meaty thumb, "there is an opening in the middle school girls race, but--"

"Great! I''ll take it!" I shouted, running to grab my shorts. In our day of inclusion and rights, wonderful things can happen.

Three days later, the meet had begun. The middle school girls were called. I stepped forward. Sweat dripped from my brow, and I raised the true arm of a man to wipe it. The girls shifted nervously, eying me. I turned to them. "Yes, girls," my voice a low whisper, filled with the emotion of a man who knows he will either win or die this very day. "We fight for death. Death, and a red dawn."

I turned back to my position, gazing intently at the pink finishing line fluttering in the gentle breeze. I could tell they were impressed.

That day, I won.

Oh snap. :(

(click for larger image.)

Prime Minister Butt

After reading The Famous Credit Card Prank, I was inspired to try this myself. How dumb are the credit card companies?

First I went to the Safeway and purchased some whip cream. I decided to sign my receipt a completely false name. I signed it Ken Miller, a name I made up on the spot (this has since became my permanent alias). The man glanced at the receipt and didn't even seem to care.

That wasn't very exciting.

Not satisfied, I went to the 7-11 across the street. I decided to just go all out and signed my name, in big block letters, "BUTT".

The Indian clerk looked at my signature, then at me, then back at my signature. He excitedly said, "Your name is Butt? The Prime Minister of my old country's name is Butt!" The clerk looked like a child on Christmas. I stood there, stunned; it wasn't quite the reaction I was expecting. I just stood there with starring at him with a dumb look on my face, and all I could manage to say was, "really?!" before I cracked up laughing and walked outside.

When I got home I googled "Prime Minister Butt." There actually is an Indian diplomat name Dr. Munir Butt. Parents these days, name there kids anything. What's next, a child named Colon? Wait...

Two Stoners

Two teenagers are at a party and are caught smoking pot. The are cited and forced to go to court. In court the judge sees what good kids they are, and decides to cut them some slack.

"I will let you two off the hook if you convince at least 10 people each to stop doing drugs," the judge said.

After one week the kids come back to court to report there efforts.

The first kid tells the judge he got 15 of his friends to stop doing drugs.

"That's very impressive! How did you do it?" the judge asked.
"I used circles. First I showed them a large circle and told them this is what your brain is like now. Then I showed them a small circle and told them this is what your brain is like after you do drugs." the kid replied.
"And how did you do?" the judge asked the second kid.
"Psh, I got 200 kids to stop doing drugs," said the kid.
"O really," said the judge sarcastically, "and how did you manage that?"
"I also used circles," replied the kid, "I showed them a small circle and told them this is what your asshole looks like before prison..."

TMILF?

Milfs, got to love them. So I'm running down the street for my morning jog, when I see Johnny's mom come running down the street in her tight, revealing, sexy top. Oh, boy she was flopping like my dick in my pants. Of course after a few more moments my flopping stopped when hers did not. I went home and had a long hot shower and headed to Johnny's.

So, I'm chilling at Johnny's trying to be funny telling him about jacking off to his mom. I feel bad though, his dad had died several months earlier, so I kept away from the dad jokes. He get's so upset that he broke the family secret. He was screaming it he was likely to MURDER SOMEONE. The whole time I thought I was going to have to chop off my dick.



Johnny's mom divorced his dad. He really isn't dead. He's actually Johnny's "Mom II" He's a transexual MILF.

That's what she said!

Recently, I've had many very good opportunities to use the 'That's what she said!' joke. It takes a true genius to find the humour in some of them, but do I care? I find it funny. In everyday conversation, try saying 'That's what she said' after everything someone else says. If you're twisted enough, it will actually make sense, and be funny at least 80% of the time.

I'm hungry, can I have a bite out of that?
That's what she said!

Stop doing that, it's really annoying.
That's what she said!

[Your font is so small,] I can hardly see it.
That's what she said!

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
That's what she said!

Stop saying "That's what she said". It's really starting to piss me off.
That's what she said!


Okay, so it doesn't ALWAYS make sense, but it does make sense enough times to get a good laugh out of it.

Randomness

Random conversation I had earlier:

(in the middle of a conversation)
Tom: Hey guys, what are you talking about?
Vivan: Daniel Radcliffe's penis, or lack thereof.


I don't know. I found it funny.

I have a Dad?!

So I was bashing away at the buttons on my X-Plorer guitar for Guitar Hero II.
Finally going to tackle Shout at the Devil on Expert mode!

*flash*
*click*

I stared at the now black screen in awe and anger.
My mother appeared from behind the entertainment unit.
I shot a long glare at her.

"Honey, your father and I both think you play too many video games..." she said.
I cut her off then and there.
"What the hell? I have a Dad?" I yelled.
"Well... yes, honey." came the reply from her.
"Wow. His manboobs were so big I thought you were a lesbian. Damn." I shot back.

Some people should just stay home.

Well, I was sitting in the airport last week waiting for my mom to arrive home from a business trip. She was late because of bad weather in Connecticut. She said they called in riot control because there was only one flight left until the next weekend. At this point I'm think that she should just buy a damn car and get her ass home, however, she managed to get on the plane. Apparently, the plane was delayed due to a man screaming on board because his luggage was on the ground during take-off. But, this is besides the point-- I was waiting at the airport with my good friend Rose.

Rose is very, very attractive. While we were sitting there we were laughing at ugly people, you know the type. The ones that think I'm the sexist person alive and there isn't anything you fuckers can do about it. Then I realized, when these people get dressed in the morning they look at themselves in the mirror and think, "Day-um, I look good today."

Now seriously folks, let's not lie to ourselves, the whole world knows your fugly. Get a clue, and don't bother even going outside.

Vegetarians Suck

Vegetarianism...the word itself reeks of weakness.

Everyone is entitled to his/her opinion, but I've never seen an opinion as wrong as this. Vegetarians, or as I like to call them, Pussies, deprive themselves of the delicious food we call meat. Any intelligent person knows that Meat = Testosterone, and without testosterone a man will turn into a blubbering vagina. His muscles will shrink, his hair will grow long and gross, and before you know it he will be wearing tie-dye clothes and singing in drum circles.

For those of you that are visual learners, I made a handy graph.

Wait, I know what you're thinking, "Ur so stereotypical!!1 Not all vegetarians are weak and stuff!"

You're right, I was generalizing a bit, and for that I apologize.

There are TWO types of vegetarians:
-those that say they don't eat meat because killing animals is wrong
-those that say they don't like the taste of meat

Let's start with the second type first, those who don't like the taste. Listen, buddy, you're not fooling anybody. Meat is the single most tasty food on earth. All vegetarians that "don't like the taste of meat," are really idiots who feeling killing animals is wrong, but don't want to be made fun of every time they are at a restaurant. Seriously, what kind of idiot would rather eat this than a turkey?

Now on to those that believe killing animals is wrong. What do you think our front 8 teeth are for? Pulverizing meat, thats what. If animals didn't want to be killed, they should stop tasting so good. If you ask me, it is people that eat vegetables that are cruel, at least animals have a chance to defend themselves. When is the last time you heard on the news of hikers being eaten by a tree?

Not convinced?
This guy is a vegetarian.
This guy ate meat.

Limerick

You really have to say it out loud.

There once was a blog called Make Funny
Which wanted to make fame and money
So writers were found
Though paid not a pound
To write stupid things just like this.

Hello out there...

I'm Robert, I'm basically a friend milkman, a.k.a. milky. He wanted to know if I wanted to write a blog with him, but by his look, I knew I had no other option. I told him yes and he treated me well that night. I just wanted to say hello to all of you and tell you that I hope to see you around more.

Make Funny Grand Opening

Welcome to the Grand Opening of Make Funny. In the next few days expect a plethora of insanely funny articles that will literally make you shit yourself.